Search Results: "jewel"

5 October 2006

Jacobo Tarrío Barreiro: While I m talking about Fidonet

I mentioned Fidonet in my latest post, and that in the year 2000 I still cared about it. I think two years ago I still cared a bit, because with all the mad year-1997-web skills I could muster I made this jewel of a website: Welcome to FidoNot!. I’m plugging it because I will probably not renew the domain next year (this year I did it by mistake) so it’s almost your last opportunity to see it, and I’m quite proud of it in an evil way. You know, it brings evil smiles to my face when I think about it and all. And it’s actually been useful for someone: that someone was looking for animated rainbow thingies like the ones I put there, so… :-) (Plus, the time spent looking at that thing is not spent arguing in Debian lists or proposing resolutions.)

22 June 2006

Ross Burton: Clutter 0.1

It's getting late, I'm starting to think I'm getting RSI, and I need a coffee, so instead of saying how great Clutter is I'll just link to what Matthew said already. Go Clutter! NP: Foolish Games, Jewel

21 June 2006

Steve Kemp: Solitary brother, is there still a part of you that wants to live?

Yesterday was a day of hacking and shopping. I made the xen-tools 2.0 release, and made the beta website live. Once that was done I folded in the changes I’d made for work - so it is now possible to configure Gentoo linux - simply download an image from jailtime.org and you can use that image as the source for a new installation:
 xen-create-image --hostname=gentoo.my.flat \
    --ip=192.168.1.234 \
    --dist=gentoo \
    --copy=/mnt/gentoo
(More detailed instructions here.) Here “/mnt/gentoo” is the location of the loopback mounted Gentoo image, and “–dist gentoo” is used to specify that the hooks should be run from the Gentoo directory. (The hooks setup /etc/conf.d/hostname, /etc/conf.d/net, etc.) From start to finish a pristine installation of Gentoo running under Xen takes about five minutes. Neat. In between working, releasing, and hacking I did a lot of shopping. I ordered some beautiful stainless-steel jewelry, some new toys, and a few weeks worth of food. All without leaving the house! I think for the next week or two I’m going to design a distributed xen monitor/control panel. The Argo software has a reasonably good design - but it is fundamently single-server. For work purposes, and for scalability, we need to be able to control N hosts each running X xen instances. (Rather than 1 host running X instances). I’m not sure what the best design for this is, but I think having an agent on each xen server reporting to a central server is best. I’ve gotten a bit of mail about Argo recently inquiring about SSL support for the communication link - nice to read - but so far I’ve only considered SSH tunnels. Really handling certificates is going to require .. careful .. consideration.

17 May 2006

Jonathan McDowell: Silver vs White Gold vs Platinum

So I need to get a wedding ring. Given I hope to wear it for the next 50+ years and that I've worn a ring in the past I figured something more interesting than a plain band would be nice. Many years ago Kathy bought me a silver Celtic style ring I was fond of, but unfortunately I lost it a while ago, which was upsetting, so I thought it would be nice to get a wedding ring that was similar to the lost ring. However. I don't like gold. So the logical choice seemed to be white gold. Until a jeweller told me that it was plated which would wear over time and require replating every few years. Which is a bit offputting. Anyone any experience of this? I've seen mention of getting it replated with a thicker than normal coating, which makes it less likely to require regular updating? The other options seem to be silver or platinum. Does anyone have silver wedding rings? Does it last well enough? It's a lot cheaper; is that the only reason why they're not common or is there something more fundemental? Platinum is more expensive than white gold, but that's not a huge issue for the last ring I plan to wear. Is it harder to work though, making it less likely that I'll find what I want? I found a ring at Ortak that I like, but no platinum option and I'd want to see it before buying, so online is out. Can anyone suggest a decent jeweller to talk to in Norwich? I've had a look around but not seen anything matching what I want. Alternatively I guess I can look in London.

27 April 2006

Martin F. Krafft: Almost crying in Bagan

I guess you could say I am now on the verge of tears, or at least have been for a while (and it's wearing off) -- since I came back from a little expedition on a horse cart around Bagan, visiting some of the poorest villages in the area to drop off a good share of the presents I still have with me (like marbles, balloons (latex ones, so biodegradable), soap bubbles, hair pins, fake jewellery, balls, and pens and paper), as well as a bunch of tubes of toothpaste, bars of soap, and bottles of shampoo, which I had picked up on the way just before. My sadness comes from two aspects of this experience. The first, which is minor because I had expected it, was simply to (once again) witness the conditions under which the poorest of the poor live: in bamboo houses together with their cattle and pigs (everyone here seems well aware of bird flu and have taken the appropriate precautions; the government apparently did a good job in educating its people), with trash and feces all over the place, kids with almost no clothing and the elderly obviously sick from a distance. But I've actually seen worse in Laos and expected it, so that wasn't the main source of my tristesse. What almost made my eyes water was rather the fact that in the first village of the two I managed today, my arrival and obvious wish to give out gifts resulted in fights among the kids, and in dishonest behaviour by some, while the mob was almost ready to run me over as everyone (including grownups) was stretching out the hand and grabbing at whatever I pulled out of my bag. Call me naive, but that part I did not expect. It's understandable, as for these people, anything makes a difference, sometime and existential one, but they are Bhuddist after all, and among the teachings of the Bhudda you can find such lines as "do not be dishonest", and its philosophy (which carries throughout many non-Bhuddist Asian countries) includes the rule to never lose one's face, which covers shouting or fighting. On my first trip to Southeast Asia -- Vietnam -- I reached some remote villages in the Tonkinese Alps in the country's north -- villages which where equally poor, but which were also quite detached from civilisation as found around larger cities. While money still served as the main means of exchange, it appears to have a much lesser meaning to the people, who are mostly self-sufficient to a point of independence from the government as far as you can get (I guess). In these villages, I also passed out presents, but never had an experience such as the one today (nor did we experience something of this sort in some of the villages in Laos, equally removed from the main lines of infrastructure). Rather than fighting for the gifts, the kids would share them. Rather than tears, the gifts brought smiles. It thus seems that civilisation as we know it causes the competition even among kids, and that's the part that fills me with sadness at the same time as it disillusions me quite a bit, because that kind of civilisation will inevitably spread. Going off on a tangent (without the intention to return), I have been thinking a lot about my "mission" in Myanmar, which was to bring clothing and medication, as well as gifts to the poor. While one could interpret this mission -- carrying more than 15 kg of "stuff" through the stifling heat -- as an altruistic act, I also cannot deny the selfish component, because I take great joy in helping people. If you recall, dropping off the clothing I had brought in a village a couple of miles outside of Pyin Oo Lwin didn't fill me with the satisfaction I had hoped to gain, mainly because I was obviously misinformed about Myanmar (btw: I am calling it Myanmar again, which is actually what locals use, unless they speak with tourists). Fortunately, however, I quite easily managed to accept that the mission was still a success for the people undoubtedly were helped quite a lot. If there is one thing I have learnt for sure this time around, then it's that I will return, sooner rather than later, and hopefully with a lot more goods than this time around. This trip has been self-funded, which is why I am also (trying to) spend most time on vacation. I could well imagine that the next time might see me just running the goods there and fly back after only a couple of days. Of course, there are no details, but keep this in the back of your heads (and pass it on), just in case you'd be willing to donate funds to finance the trip. This brings me to another, somewhat related topic, which I have been pondering ever since I arrived in Myanmar, and especially so after I met and talked to a Portuguese globetrotter, last night: the topics of beggars and how to support these countries in effective ways. Let me address those in turn, the second one first as it's more closely related to my braindump you just read (thanks for that), and because I am nowhere near a resolution and can thus sum it up in three sentences: even though individual aid trips, like the one I am on, are helping, I would guess their effectiveness to be quite low, and raising this effectiveness certainly requires a lot of effort and infrastructure. Thus, it may be more beneficial if I were to donate my will to help to an existing organisation already established and connected in the Southeast Asian countries. I am not talking Unicef and other, similar large organisations (some of which I do support already, and if only financially), but rather much smaller endeavours that concentrate on this area only -- surely the need for help exists in all developing countries, but I am most interested in helping Southeast Asia, for the people here have taught me so many valuable things that have changed my life. On the first topic -- beggars -- let me say this much: if you've been to developing countries, you know what I am talking about. If you have not, just imagine all sorts of people (but mostly poor-looking) coming up to you with their hand stretched out, saying "money, money" repeatedly and not respecting a "no" in any way. Any guide book advises you not to give any money, because it will increase the "nuisance" these beggars are to future tourists. But at one point during my time here, I was as far as giving a small amount to everyone who came up (unless there were more around, at which point it would just get out of control too fast) by reason that it doesn't hurt me a bit, and that despite the syndicates and other arguments against it, if you are actually helping one out of ten beggars, that's one more than zero. Since then, however, I've found some more compelling arguments, and the one that's been the most persuasive so far is that a beggar's success attracts more beggars, and while the guide books call that a "nuisance", the real problem is that these people come from villages to cities, from places where they are self-sufficient (at least in Myanmar with its vast resources) to places where they'll end up sleeping on the streets. Enough of that for now, you can be sure there will be more another time; on to something completely different: This is the first time I am travelling Southeast Asia while blogging, and I have very mixed feelings about it. First of all, Myanmar isn't the place for easy Internet access, so it's been quite painful to keep publishing (which was only possible thanks to the help of Hanspeter back at home; thanks), nor is it the place where you'd be inclined to spend a couple of pensive hours in front of the screen while serialising your thoughts into writing -- the power keeps coming and going every couple of minutes, and frequently the battery-backed power supplies most people have cannot bridge the downtime. But that's not the reason why I am not really too satisfied with my blog entries so far. I have found it difficult to write even in Thailand, where Internet access was excellent, and I guess it's mainly due to two reasons: first, there is too much going on outside and the fear of losing a minute of "street action" to these godaweful computers just keeps me from taking the time to think before writing. The second reason is related: impressions need time to settle, and I guess in some ways I do prefer very much to just "be", rather than experiencing with the objective to blog about it in the back of your head at all times (I am a geek after all, don't forget that). I guess I'll try it another time since having Aline along for the first part, and then being subjected to Myanmar's suboptimal information infrastructure, may be factors of larger value than I see them right now. By the way: this blog does not contain all of my writings while I am here, for obvious reasons, so there is more to come if you are interested, but not via this channel. I'll let you know. Now, on the boring side: I returned to the temples in the late afternoon yesterday and saw another three or four, before sprawling out on top of another in aspiration of the sunset to be Obscured By Clouds (which is when I talked to the aforementioned globetrotter for an hour or so). I did find that after all, Bagan didn't have much in store for me, having seen some of the temples at Angkor. The scenery is breathtaking, and some temples are really astonishing views, but as soon as you get on the inside, they are mostly walls and Bhuddas, one similar to the others, and thus quite unlike to what I'd seen in Angkor last year. Since I am also not the type of guy to go off meditating for a day in a remote location, or take my book far away to read in peace, I think that this one day between the temples was enough for me. Maybe the temperature did play a role too, but there was no question for me: I was to do something else the next day (which is today), rather than go out again on that horse cart. I thus joined up with some Australian travellers on their overland way to their new home, London, and hired a taxi to Mount Popa, home of the 37 Nats (spirits) which are closely knit into the Burmese culture. After a 25 minute climb up steep stairs, I found myself again disappointed by a somewhat dirty and absolutely non-pretty stupa on the top of the hill. The view (and temperature) was great though, so no hard feelings, but also no time lost to head back to the hotel, to get on with the village hopping I had planned for the afternoon. Tomorrow morning I am leaving for Hohe and Inle Lake, where it'll be much cooler (or so they say). Stay tuned. PS: And of course, Murakami's novel is not called "Kafka at the Beach", as I wrote in yesterday's entry, but "Kafka on the Shore". I guess it must have been yesterday's intense heat causing that Freudian slip. Anyway, the book is truly captivating and I am afraid I'll zoom through those 600 pages faster than I'd like, given that it's the last of the books I brought. Hopefully I'll find something to pick up on the way that's not Agatha Christie, Dan Brown, Jane Austen, or the other wonderful writers of entertainment fiction, which I'd rather not read even if you paid me for it.

22 April 2006

Tollef Fog Heen: Am I spoiled?

(By way of magnio) Go through the list. Tick everything you have or have done. If you can tick 40 or more, you're spoiled. Do you: Are you: Have you: Did you: 24, so a bit more spoiled than Magni. Not that much, though.

12 April 2006

Martin F. Krafft: Asian women and western men

Following yesterday's blog entry, a derogatory comment reached me why we would be spending the evening with the sort of girl that would go to hotel with foreign men. This prompted me to write a short note of how I see the position of the women in these countries with respect to this subject. I hope you are aware that this is a delicate topic, of course, and that I write nothing but about my own perception and interpretation. There are two types of women who'll readily engage with foreign men: those receiving money for a night and those looking for more. Nothing needs to be said about the first. As for the second, I can understand their position very well, and if it weren't for assholes coming to this country trying to "score" and exploiting their position, there'd be nothing to be said against it. For the young women in these parts of the world, foreign men are attractive for two reasons: first, they have money, and thus give them the hope and maybe even a chance to live a better life then they are forced to. It is very unlike Western women seeking rich men to buy them lots of jewelry, for the women here it's more a question of existence. On the other hand, the women here seem to prefer Western men, since they are generally perceived to be more gentle and "good". I have been told on numerous occasions now that it is not uncommon for Asian boys to beat their wives when drunk. Unfortunately, the situation seems to be bad enough for the women to forget about the chance that Western men may do the same (and I'd believe more do than we would be willing to admit). So in the end, the girl we met was far from a "prostitute", and having talked to her, it hurts me that she should be perceived as such by some of my readers. I'd much rather spend time with her at a club than most of the superficial girls you'll find in the Western world.A I hope this sets things a little more straight.

10 April 2006

Ross Burton: Lunacy

Andrew Brown has an mostly interesting editorial in the Guardian's daily news summary The Wrap, which can often have some fantastic lines.
Criminal lunacy is an accurate shorthand for a lot of the Bush government's actions.
NP: Pieces Of You, Jewel

22 March 2006

Ross Burton: Flapjack

This may be a little rash, but I have just knocked up the best flapjacks in the world. Never before have oats, butter, golden syrup, grated apple and a tiny pinch of cinnamon tasted so good. NP: Pieces Of You, Jewel

24 February 2006

Pierre Habouzit: back from the deads, screenrc, zshrc

Well, my DSL provider killed my connection for 10 days, and then I had some vacation ... Long time no see. Though, I've played with my dotfiles recently, and I set up some really nice things, picked from the web. Screen and zsh cooperation The one I find the best is the tight collaboration between screen and zsh to have nice labelled windows in the screen status line. You have to do this like that :
   # in your .zshrc, add the following code to you preexec :
   preexec ()  
       if [[ "$TERM" == "screen" ]]; then
           local CMD=$ 1[(wr)^(*=* sudo -*)] 
           echo -ne "\ek$CMD\e\\"
       fi
    
   # and this code in order to reset the title when zsh gets the hand back
   if [[ "$TERM" == "screen" ]]; then
       PROMPT="$ PROMPT % ^[kzsh^[\\% "
   fi
Then, you can have in your .screenrc some dark margic like :
   bind s select zsh
which make Ctrl-A s find your first available shell (really nice). Make Shift+PgUp/PgDown work in screen well, this is complete dark magic, but it works :
   # tell screen that you term can scroll
   termcapinfo xterm ti@:te@
   # bind Shift+PgUp/PgDn
   bindkey -m "^[[5;2~" stuff ^b
   bindkey -m "^[[6;2~" stuff ^f
And another great setting is altscreen :
   # Support alternate screens so that, for example, when you
   # quit out of vi, the display is redrawn as it was before vi
   # redrew the full screen.
   altscreen on
Though, now, Shift-Tab doesn't work anymore in screen, and since in vimrc I have things like :
   "   Tab Key magic ...
   vmap <tab> >gv
   vmap <bs> <gv
   function! CleverTab()
       if strpart( getline('.'), col('.')-2, 1 ) =~ '^\s*$'
           return "\<Tab>"
       else
           return "\<C-P>"
       endif
   endfunction
   inoremap <Tab> <C-R>=CleverTab()<CR>
   inoremap <S-Tab> <Tab>
   "  
it's quite important that Shift+Tab works ... zsh does not eat non "\n" terminated lines I don't like the option
   setopt no_prompt_cr
that tells zsh no to print a "\r" before each prompt : I have a rprompt, and if a command (e.g. echo -n "f*****g command") is performed just before a shell prompt display, then my rprompt is wrapped, it's ugly. but printing a "\r" each time eats the line if no "\n" was present, which happens sometime, and makes you think the command you launched failed. I found that jewel on the zsh-users MailList :
   precmd()  
       local escape colno lineno
       IFS='[;' read -s -d R escape\?$'\e[6n' lineno colno
       (( colno > 1 )) && echo ''
    
Basically, it checks before writing the prompt if the current column position is 0, and if not, it prints an "\n". I guess it may exists some races if you have a background job, but for alldays use, it's perfect.

13 February 2006

Joey Hess: patch followup

Followup on my previous review of Ubuntu's patches to my packages: So things have improved for my packages, at least after I made a stink about it and some people pretty clearly made it a priority to fix it. I doubt that this can be extrapolated to any other set of packages though. Total useful stuff gleaned this time: One minor build-depends fix, one icon.
Total estimated time to subit those to Debian BTS: approximatly 2 minutes.
Total time it took me to extract them from the diffs: about an hour.

4 January 2006

Erinn Clark: The epic tale

My previous post rewritten by the inimitable Anthony Towns:
An enigmatic lady named Erinn Clark,
Was scheduled to switch coasts in the dark.
But missing her plane,
She will happily explain,
Had little effect on her lark.
A bold southern dame, she insisted;
To be on the next flight or waitlisted
(She was, as you'll see,
A New Years escapee)
And her charms just could not be resisted.
Her flight went to Tampa and then to LA,
Finally dropping her off in sweet San Jose,
Florida thus departed,
And the airline outsmarted,
Finally, now it's time for horseplay!
Let's introduce her partner in crime,
Though "Val Henson" is too hard to rhyme.
Throw 'em in a ball pit,
To their necks if they fit,
And they'll have a glorious time.
But first to a black tie affair,
To greet the New Year in a style debonair,
She was ready to skate,
But was forced to placate,
With jewelry, a shirt and a glare.
The guests were exciting and fun,
All happy and gleeful but one,
She was Lina by name,
Thought the Eve's not the same,
Without fireworks, like a day without sun.
In spite of it all, it failed to suck,
A climax as midnight eventually struck,
The year's dawn arrived,
And our heroines revived
With vegan duck which you don't have to pluck.
To summarise the rest of the story in brief:
There's being spoonfed Indian bits by the chief,
In ballpits they're tossed,
In forests they're lost,
And meanwhile namesys provides light relief.
Finally it comes time to return,
To the coast where the sunrise will burn.
But a feeling of doom,
And a small viral bloom,
Can be quite a cause for concern.
But a satisfactory note that is not,
On which to end this poetical jot,
Instead wishing this:
A year full of bliss,
May all that is good be your lot!
And people wonder why I fangirl him?

26 December 2005

Axel Beckert: Yet another old laptop

My father got me a nice IBM ThinkPad from 1996 earlier this year, so the next old laptop he digged up was planned to become a christmas present for my brother. But my father didn’t manage to find out, how old nor how fast that laptop was. And when I found out that it was a Pentium I with 90 MHz, it was clear, that my brother wouldn’t have any use for it, so he got “only” the used 850 MHz AMD Duron midi tower and my parents declared that old Compaq LTE 5100 laptop as a christmas present for me. :-) As my IBM ThinkPad bijou, this Compaq LTE 5100 is from 1996 and has a Pentium I processor. Both also have a 800×600 resolution, a double PCMCIA slot and a floppy drive, which can be replaced by a CD-ROM drive (if I had one). But that are all similarities. Technically the Compaq has 90 MHz instead of the ThinkPad’s 133 MHz, but therefore has 72 MB RAM in comparison to the 48 Megs the ThinkPad has. Also regarding disk space the Compaq outperforms the ThinkPad: 1.6 Gigs of disk space in comparison to the ThinkPad 1.0 GB hard disk. Another difference is the battery: While the ThinkPad can work over 2.5 hours without external power, the Compaq even didn’t manage to completely boot its currently installed Windows 98 (the ThinkPad had a Windows NT installed when I got it) when running on battery. (Will do that test again when I can confirm, that the battery was full before testing. :-) Yet another difference is the keyboard layout: The ThinkPad has an US layout while the Compaq has a Swiss-German layout. But the most obvious difference is the look: The black ThinkPad still looks like having a modern design while the Compaq looks very very outdated in its perfect computer beige and with its quite small display. So retroperspectively, it was a good a idea to name the ThinkPad “bijou” (French for jewel, jewellery, gem, etc.; named after a very neat british two-door limousine built in the UK by Slough on a 2CV base during the ’50s). Because now I have the choice between a lot of not so nice looking (not to say ugly ;-) 2CV derivatives to name the Compaq after. My favourites currently are the Iranian “Baby Brousse”, the Greek “Namco Pony” and the German “Fiberfab Sherpa”, all canvas and flatbed style 2CV based buggies, similar to the original Citroën Méhari but with steel body instead of the Méhari’s controversial plastic body. And one of the not used names, I can use for further ugly Compaq laptops¹. Another question yet to answer is the question of what operating system to install on it. Since the ThinkPad runs fine with Debian 3.0 Woody and I have a lot of other Debian boxes at home (running Woody, Sarge or Sid), I currently think about installing the very fresh NetBSD 3.0 (released on Christmas’ Eve 2005), FreeBSD 6.0 (released early November 2005), DragonFly BSD 1.4 (to be released in December :-) or DeLi Linux 0.7 pre (which was also released in early December 2005 and already uses X11R7). Another idea was to install grml 0.5, but since grml is a live CD distribution, it probably would be hard to install it over network. Same counts for ReactOS (version 0.2.9 was released shortly before Christmas 2005), which doesn’t seem to have a floppy disk plus network install. Since I always planed to upgrade my currently defective Toshiba T6400 i486 laptop ayca (maybe after getting an organ donor on eBay or so) to DeLi Linux 0.7 (and perhaps write a review about it for Linux Magazine or so) and I may get an Sun Ultra Enterprise 2 soon (on which NetBSD 3.0 would be the perfect OS since Linux’ performance still seems to suck on Sparc :-), I currently prefer the FreeBSD or DragonFly idea. If the Ultra doesn’t come, it probably will get NetBSD, since I haven’t a NetBSD box yet. (Haven’t a DragonFly box either, but a FreeBSD 4.x running somewhere. :-) Well, I guess, I’ll take even more old laptops than last year to the Vintage Computer Festival Europe (VCFe) next May. And since the two 1996 laptops are now 10 years old, they’re even ontopic! Yeah! ;-)

¹: I have two other not yet working Compaq laptops, both from an elder generation than Pentium I. One I got on a Swiss flea market for a few euros and the other was the first laptop of my boss, which he else would have thrown away. Unfortunately both are without power adapter and neither the usual allround laptop power adapters from Conrad, etc. nor the one from the LTE 5100 fits. But since there is eBay, I expect to get such a power adapter once. :-)

23 December 2005

Marc 'HE' Brockschmidt: The differences between Christmas and Chanukah

If anyone asks you what the difference is between Christmas and Chanukah, you will know what and how to answer!

1. Christmas is one day, same day every year, December 25. Jews also love December 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure.
Jews never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel(especially in Florida) or other Jewish funeral home.

2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat

3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the bookshelf.

4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah, etc.

5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.

6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.

7. Christmas carols are beautiful...Silent Night, Come All Ye Faithful.... Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols are composed and written by our tribal brethren.

And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?

8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.

9. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkas on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages.

10. Parents deliver to their children during Christmas. Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.

11. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.

12. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think, "Joseph,you shmuck, snap out of it. Your woman is pregnant, you didn't sleep with her, and now you want to blame G-d. Here's the number of my shrink".

13. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? .....

Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family.
Tickets a mere $200 per person.

[Stolen from $unknown]

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